The Connection Craving
Every once in a while a “celebrity” “influencer” Christian will write something about single parenthood or difficult marriages or another closely-held topic that causes an entire uproar in the social realm. I need you to know that I’m really not a hot take kind of person. I’m more of a room temperature take person. Refrigerated and reheated leftovers, but I hope the kind where the flavor deepens by day 2 or 3.
Anyway, anytime someone speaks their experience or their opinion as if it’s prescriptive for everyone, I try to pause. First of all, there are already so many voices in the space, takes with more fire than I can usually muster. Eloquent rebuttals with points I hadn’t considered. But I’m also the type of person who wants to give the benefit of the doubt to the writer, to give them a chance to listen to feedback and apologize if necessary. I’m usually disappointed on this last point.
As I pause and consider, I cheer my fellow keyboard advocates. I watch the comments. And I realize that as I’m pausing, I’m also looking for connection.
Single mom life is lonely. Not just because you are missing that promised and hoped-for second adult in the home to share burdens, carry loads, and wipe noses. It’s lonely because it feels cut off from other human experiences. It’s lonely because you are the only one to make all the decisions. It’s lonely because it seems like everyone has an opinion on where you went wrong and what you should be doing now - and some of these people have high-profile bylines.
But when I follow along with the comments on these takes, I find people with experiences like mine. I find shared stories, points of connection.
I suddenly long to reach out to these internet strangers and say, “Hey, you’re not alone in this. My experience is similar, we can walk this together.” When I follow through on that impulse, I find that shared connection makes a difference. I no longer feel so alone. And the other person gets a chance to share their unique story, which is so important.
Regardless of the opinion-presented-as-fact today, know that your experience matters more to me than anything an “influencer” may say or write. And it matters to others like us, pausing and watching, looking for a place to connect.
I’m glad you’re here.
