The Lost Virtue of Reasonableness
I’ve had a verse running through my head for the last couple of …. years. “Let your reasonableness be evident to all. The Lord is near.” (Phil 4:5, ESV). In the last few days, it has resurfaced in context of conversation with some friends facing adversity in human relationships. “Let your reasonableness be evident.” Regardless of what other people say or do, we are called to reason instead of react.
The urge to win an argument is strong, and taking a reasoned look at the issues is often the last thing on our minds. Reasonableness involves seeing things from the other person’s point of view. It means admitting areas where you may be wrong or overreacting or emphasizing something that is correct but not helpful. Reasonableness feels unjust when the other party seems to only react. But reasonableness is a part of God’s character, and I believe that reasonableness grows within us as we become more like Christ.
I have been frustrated for years by the lack of reasonableness I see around me. The increase of reactivity, the need to have a “take” (hot or otherwise) on every issue in order to be “relevant” and “taken seriously.” The evident desire to “own” those holding an opposing view. To “win” an argument based on assumption and insult. It’s gross, it’s off-putting, it’s not like Christ.
“Reasonableness” is no longer evident in the American church. Valid questions are met with out-of-context Bible verses used to silence any possible dissent. Painful circumstances and experiences are answered with platitudes devoid of empathy. People are grouped into categories and dismissed based on a fluid set of criteria. Instead of the good news of redemptive grace, these “others” are shoved out the door. And many of us who have been faithful Christ followers have watched this happen. We have been complicit in our apathy, in our silence. Because we know that if we disagree, we will face the same treatment. In the current “win the argument” culture, disagreement is disloyalty. Disagreement is the unforgiveable sin.
But this is not God’s way. God calls believers to be unified, and disagreements have to be resolved in the journey toward unity. They can’t just be dismissed. The people who hold a differing point of view have a right to speak and to teach. The people in the place of tradition have a responsibility to listen and learn. This is the process of reasoning. We may not always come to complete agreement and uniformity. But in the listening we can find a way to unity.
In many places in the Old Testament, God invites His people, who are in active rebellion, to reason with Him, to put Him in remembrance. These are invitations to debate. The God of the universe, with His sovereignty and supremacy, His knowledge and will, invites limited mortals to make their case in His presence. His righteousness will win out, but He allows us to come to a place of agreeing with Him on our own. We work out our salvation in this way. We grow closer to God and understand Him through this reasoning. Why is the church so threatened by allowing people to follow the process that God invites?
The word translated as “reasonableness” in the ESV is also translated as “gentleness” in most other versions. A reasonable person is gentle, not argumentative. “Evident reasonableness” means that we display the fruit of the Holy Spirit in gentleness. Gentleness is elusive in these times, but when it’s on display it is a balm to weary souls. It leaves space for conflict to resolve without a clear winner. It extends grace and love when there’s no absolute agreement. Gentleness recognizes the value in the individual above the reputation of the institution. And it’s something that God wants displayed in us.
Reasonableness and gentleness may look like “losing” paths to those who believe Christianity is about humans “winning.” And I’m okay with that. I’m okay with losing in human eyes if it means I become more like Jesus. Because part of the good news is that we get to become more like Jesus and all we have to do is follow Him. I think the culture warriors have forgotten the good news they started fighting to protect. God doesn’t need us to protect the good news. It can’t be threatened or taken away.
Growing more like Jesus involves a reasoned, reasoning, reasonable process. When there is something in my life that contradicts what God wants, I have to decide to see things from His perspective. To reason with Him. And as I reason with Him and make my case and see His side, I come to agree with Him. And I become more like Him.
