Something recently prompted me to put a blog post idea in my phone’s notes, with just the theme “Scarcity vs. Abundance.” Of course, because I was probably in a hurry, I didn’t give myself any context. But I was compelled to write it down before I forgot. I remember being at my desk at work, and thinking, “I’d better put this in my phone instead of on a sticky note so I can look at it when I’m at home….”
But I know how this last week was for me. Actually, the last several weeks. The mental struggle I’ve been under, the conflict between wanting to be content in everything but at the same time really wanting to hustle and make things happen. This is currently every area of my life. I’m seeing it a lot professionally, but if I slow down half a second and reflect on my spiritual life and my personal goals, it’s just everywhere.
Brutal honesty time: I’m afraid of scarcity. I’m afraid of not having enough. I’m afraid of things falling through, of disappointments, of setbacks, of ridicule, of never recovering from failure. There was a long season of my life that was defined by scarcity (and the fears that accompany it). I don’t ever want to feel like that again.
But can I be even more honest? I think I’m just as afraid of abundance. Of being enough. Of being heard, and known and understood. Of the responsibility that comes with operating fully in the power of God that I have. Of scarcity jumping in and knocking me down, and feeling it even more because I know what abundance feels like. Scarcity pulls me back down into itself because somewhere I believe that it’s better to not really know what you’re missing, then to risk losing it.
Scarcity is that cold, dark cave that we hate. We can see the sunshine out the opening, we can see and hear other people – warm, dry, happy people – going about their lives in health and safety. We want to know what that feels like. But the cave is familiar.
I started to step out of my cave, into the warm sunshine of abundance. It’s exhilarating. But you know what? I felt exposed. Not to people. I didn’t even get that far. But to God. Walking in abundance in the power of God is not just about doing awesome things in his name and all the doors opening half a step before you get there. It’s about true intimacy with Someone who already knows everything about you and is just waiting for you to acknowledge some hard truths about yourself.
It’s this fear of the uncomfortable that keeps me trapped within the familiar. Like I said, I feel it in every part of my life. I start to make a change, and the fears creep in. “What if you don’t keep it up?” “What if people notice that you didn’t stick to that plan?” “What if you really, really, really mess up and everyone sees it and you ruin God’s plans?” But at the same time I’m under tension, because I have this desire to move forward and make things happen.
I’m not saying I have the answers of “how to get over scarcity and live with abundance.” Not at all. I’m exploring this at the same time I think many people are. I’m going to dig into my Bible and some promises and see what I can find. If you’ve had victory over this, will you let me know your experience, and what verses helped you? If you’re struggling, know that you are not alone!
This feels like part one of a series…..